The National Association of Catholic Chaplains

Menu
  • Membership
      • Apply for Membership
      • Frequently-Asked Questions about Membership
      • Request Retired Membership
      • State Liaisons
      • Newest Members
      • Membership Directory
      • Member map
      • Celebrating Our Members’ 25-year Membership and Certification
      • In Memoriam: deceased NACC members
    • Close
  • Certification
    • Initial Board Certification
      • Board Certified Chaplain (BCC)
      • Certified Associate Chaplain (CAC)
      • Palliative Care and Hospice Advanced Certification (PCHAC)
      • VA Initial Board Certification
      • Recognition of Strategic Partners Board Certification
      • Newly Certified Chaplains
      • Close
    • Renewal of Certification
    • Certification Competencies & Procedures
      • Certification Competencies & Procedures
      • Important Background on NACC Certification Competencies
      • Professional Code of Ethics for Spiritual Care Professionals
      • Certification Commission
      • Certification Appeals Panel
      • Ethics Appeals Panel
      • Close
    • Mentors
    • Recognition of Strategic Partners Board Certification
    • Verifying Certification
    • Maintaining Certification in Retirement
    • Graduate Theological Programs
    • Close
  • Education Resources
      • 2023 Retreat
      • 2023 Webinar Series
      • Recorded webinars (2009-2022)
      • Calendar of Events
      • Graduate Theological Programs
      • CPE Programs
      • NACC Professional Networking Calls
      • Continuing Education Hour Requests – Guidelines and Forms
      • Ongoing Educational Opportunities
      • Local/Regional Gatherings & Events
      • Past Conferences (2004 – 2022)
      • Vision
    • Close
  • Resources
    • Antiracism Resources
    • Administrator Resources
    • Awareness Resources
    • Chaplaincy Care Resources
    • Coronavirus Resources & Updates
    • Job Listings
    • The Journal of Pastoral Care & Counseling
    • Partners in Pastoral Care
    • Research
    • Specialty Care Resources
    • Spirituality and Prayer Resources
    • Spiritual Care Department Resources
    • Vision
    • Close
  • About NACC
    • About the NACC
      • Mission/Vision/Values
      • Constitution and ByLaws
      • Strategic Plan
      • History
      • Close
    • Annual Awards
    • Association Leadership
      • NACC Board of Directors
      • Committees, Commissions, and Panels
      • National Office Staff
      • Episcopal Advisory Council
      • Close
    • Catholic Prison Ministries Coalition (CPMC)
    • Choose Chaplaincy
    • Health Care Collaborators
    • NACC Merchandise
    • NACC Publications and Documents
      • Vision
      • NACC Now
      • Annual Reports & Financial Reviews
      • Documents and publications
      • NACC Blog
      • Close
    • Partners in Pastoral Care
    • Partners for Professional Excellence in Spiritual Care
    • Vision
    • Close
  • Choose Chaplaincy
  • Contact Us
      • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

    • Close
  • Donate Now
  • Member Login
Home » Vision » September-October 2020 » Seeing grief but missing anger: A moment of cultural learning

Seeing grief but missing anger: A moment of cultural learning

By Jennifer W. Paquette

The young Black man raged in despair and anguish. His wife and firstborn child had died that morning. His wife had begun bleeding, and he took her to the community hospital near their house. The baby had spontaneously aborted, but his wife kept bleeding. “I told them there was something wrong with her, but no one would listen to me. No one!” he yelled. “They acted as if I wasn’t even there.”

The hospital had transferred her to the trauma center where I was working, but she died before she arrived. Now, the husband and ten or so family members were waiting for “the chaplain,” and their grief carried down the hallway. On my way to the room, one of the ED physicians commanded, “Get them quieted down. They’re too noisy and upsetting other patients.”

From the audible wails, I suspected this was a Black family. “It is how they grieve,” I told him. “They must be allowed to grieve in their own way. There is no stopping grief.” More than a little surprised by his directive, I was also irritated. This was a big-city trauma center that served a mostly Black population. The physicality of their cultural grieving was normal. They grieved as they prayed, their entire bodies participating in the movement of their souls.

I had history in Black culture, and perhaps for that reason, I believed myself to be more astute than I was. For the first six years of my life, I was raised by a Black woman, whom I loved dearly. Later, my family moved near Washington, D.C., a predominantly Black city where power and authority were vested in the white population. In college, I lived near a Black church. Their Sunday mornings of praise for Jesus came alive in their hymns, many of which were vestiges of slavery. I felt joy in their midst and an enthusiasm for Christ missing in my white Catholic church.
Years later, my CPE class reminded me often that where there was an older Black woman in the hospital, I would find her. And I feel driven to advocate for Black patients in a clinical setting.

But despite all that, I was blind to the underlying causes of that young father’s rage. It wasn’t until much later that I realized his wife’s color had alienated her from the clinical care she should have received. Also, I did not understand that the race of the young father prevented his voice from being heard. I understood the misery of his loss, but I failed to understand and support his outrage that his family was invisible merely because of the color of their skin – and that this was likely one more repetition of a lifelong pattern.

I do not ever want to be appalled again by my lack of insight in the moment. Since then, I have worked to be more intentional, especially in discovering the causes of events. I must examine more closely my actions, reactions, purposes, and motivations among communities of color. I must find my way into the depths of their experiences. I must be more aware of our separateness and seek the place where the boundaries fade and we are joined by our humanity.

Jennifer W. Paquette, BCC, is now retired and previously served as director of spiritual care at Providence Mount St. Vincent in Seattle.

Vision-logo
Vol. 30, No. 5
September/October 2020
Printable PDF version

Racism: Opening our eyes, speaking our truth


Fighting racism also has to happen from within – by David Lichter, Executive Director

Chaplains’ skills of listening are tool to address racism – by Jim Letourneau

Unpacking a knapsack full of privileges – by Sheri Bartlett Browne

“Not from you”: Direct racism is still with us – by Maritza Ramos Pratt

Seeing grief but missing anger: A moment of cultural learning – by Jennifer W. Paquette

Micro-aggressions represent the subtle side of racism – by Charles Kibirige

White people, recognize the racist water we swim in – by Kevin S. Crowder

“Where are you from?” is a loaded question – by Ruth Jandeska

When so many can’t breathe, chaplains witness to the breath of God – by Anne Windholz

Interracial marriage offers firsthand look at racism – and numbness – by Daniel Waters

Beyond competence: Cultural humility means lifelong openness – by Nicholas Perkins

National Association of Catholic Chaplains
4915 S. Howell Avenue, Suite 501
Milwaukee, WI 53207
Get Directions

Phone: (414) 483-4898
Fax: (414) 483-6712
Email: info@nacc.org

Our office hours
Mon-Thur 8:00am – 5:00pm Central Time
Friday 8:00am – 12 Noon
Sat-Sun closed

Job Listings

Current job opportunities for chaplains, priests, CPE residents, supervisors, directors of pastoral care, managers, mission directors, and more.

Job Listings

Free Publications

Don’t miss the latest news, subscribe to our newsletter today! You don’t have to be a member to subscribe.

Donate Now

Learn more about making a tax-deductible donation to NACC.

Donate Now

Connect with us

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • YouTube
© 1997 - 2023 National Association of Catholic Chaplains - Sitemap

Built by Westwords