Sr. Judy Ryan

Twelve years ago, after many years of very active ministry as a high school teacher and a campus minister on college campuses, I began to feel the need to "slow down" and take more time for quiet and reflection. Out of "God's blue" came an invitation to be a pastoral presence with the elder Sisters in my community at Los Gatos, California, the Sisters of the Holy Names. I was told that I could form my own "job description," which seemed like a very creative opportunity! A very practical aspect that appealed to me was knowing that the older Sisters wouldn't have a lot of "all nighters" or constant weekend involvements to keep up with!

In a very short time, as I began to get to know these women and listen to their incredible life stories, I "fell in love with them." I began to appreciate how much I was learning from them about what is really important in life (I was in my mid-50's), how to "let go" of what used to seem "all important", how to make more time for "just being" with oneself, others and especially with God. I was delighted how open they were to exploring different ways of praying, along with deepening the more traditional devotions that were a part of their lives. And they wanted to keep on learning, to keep aware of world events, so they could hold these needs in their hearts and their prayer. And the experience of accompanying some of these women on their final journey home to God became a most precious and priviliged gift for me. For three years, my life was so enriched by this experience of mutual ministry with elders that I felt called to training for Chaplaincy, to prepare myself more professionally, personally and spiritually for my "next career."

St. Mary's Medical Center in San Francisco offered a full year residential program in Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) which I applied for. Our group of eight students was the most fascinating and diverse group I could ever have found: in age (22 - 65), ethnic and cultural background (Nigerian, Chinese, Latino, German and "white Americans), single, married , gay and straight, Catholic and Protestant denominations. We had much to learn from each other (and to learn about ourselves !) as we engaged in the intense process of personal, spiritual and professional growth for Chaplaincy. And we were blessed with experienced and wise mentors to support and accompany us on the way.

In 1997, I completed my training and accepted a position as Chaplain in an Assisted Living and Long-Term Care facility, Providence Mother Joseph Care Center, in Olympia, Washington, where I "honed my skills" and deepened my passion for ministering with elders. In the year 2000, my mother's health seriously declined and it was time for me to be closer to her in Seattle. God's Providence led me to another Providence facility, Providence Mount St. Vincent, where I have ministered for the past seven years with elders in assisted living and long-term care. The greatest learning experience of these years was in caring for my Mom every evening and weekend until she died in 2003. Although we loved each other, we had not been "close" or very comfortable with each other in my adult years. Our differences rubbed each other and triggered feelings and reactions that were very painful to deal with for both of us. I needed to go very deeply to heal some past wounds and to face some difficult truths about myself. I needed to "let Mom be herself" (not just "my mother") and to accept and love myself with all my shortcomings and "messiness."

Only walking the walk with my mother could have opened me to the grace God most wanted to give me: letting go of "perfectionism" and unreal expections, appreciating the "gift that is." That gift and grace has continued to profoundly shape my continuing ministry of sharing life with elders: participating in the mystery of life with its daily joys, sufferings and "dyings," all preparing us for the ultimate surrender to God to be embraced by Love forever.